I really need editing help
I really need editing help or: why the hell hasn’t Dargoth released a patch this month?!
Since the start of the year, I’ve received great translation help from a few people. However, I can’t just throw these files together and call it a patch without doing some serious editing for grammar, style, and consistency. I initially didn’t think editing would take that long, but ultimately I’ve been spending almost as much time editing as I would if I had translated it all myself in the first place. That’s obviously a huge waste of time, very discouraging personally, and something I absolutely do not enjoy doing. The revolving door of help on the project isn’t eager to do it either. I could release “MGQ Paradox: Jarringly Inconsistent English Version” right now, but no.
That’s where you come in! I know there are some English, Creative Writing, etc. students/grads reading this who can help. No Japanese or technical skills required. All you have to do is edit text in text files. Preferably you’ve played the translation patch up to the current point (or you could spend the 30 minutes that takes), the original MGQ, and maybe even played through Paradox with a machine translation, text hooker, whatever to have a gist of what’s going on. If you played the original MGQ and thought “this English isn’t so great,” well now’s your chance! These translated files need to be virtually rewritten into “story quality” English, not simply copy edited. Changing a boring, lifeless, grammatically incorrect line into a boring, lifeless, grammatically correct line isn’t that helpful. Ask yourself for each line, “does this sound like something this character would say?”
Here’s what you’re up against: http://pastebin.com/kQNvVniV
It’s the Haunted Manor Basement where you meet Chrome and very similar to the scene from MGQ.
If you’re interested, take a shot at editing that file and e-mail it to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Writing and editing is an art so I can’t tell you how to do it, but just from looking at that file, I can guarantee you won’t get away with changing a couple words here and there…. Also, there’s a fair amount of editing work to do and more forthcoming so this is by no means limited to a single person.
If you saw a new post and thought “YES FINALLY A PATCH!” you’re probably really unhappy right now. Sorry. I should have made this post a month ago instead of deluding myself into thinking I could do it all myself (or with present help).
UPDATE: Okay, it’s become clear that I wasn’t nearly explicit enough about the level of editing I envisioned for the Haunted Manor Basement. For reference, this is a change log of edits I made to the Enrika Village indoors map: change log
– ShowMessage(“\\n<Ilias>Woah, so current monster lord already gets the deposed treatment… I can imagine her chagrin.”)
+ ShowMessage(“\\n<Ilias>They’re acting like she abdicated? I can picture her chagrin, hehe.”)
– ShowMessage(“\\n<Ilias>Black Alice… so she finally started moving! She must intend to realize her ambitions using this opportunity…”)
+ ShowMessage(“\\n<Ilias>So Black Alice is finally making her move. She must intend to seize this opportunity to further her ambitions…”)
– ShowMessage(“\\n<Ilias>I thought she might start moving with my surveillance on her coming loose but… she started moving really fast.”)
+ ShowMessage(“\\n<Ilias>I thought she might act with me not watching her, but all things considered, she didn’t wait long to make her move.”)
Haunted Manor Basement edit ideas:
ShowMessage(“\\n<Guard>We have no dead or injured but… after what was done to me, I can no longer be a bridgegroom…”)
ShowMessage(“\\n<Guard>We’re all alive and unharmed, but… Um… They did things to us that no woman should do to her husband…”)
ShowMessage(“\\n<Chrome>My name is Chrome, I’m a great Necromancer.”)
ShowMessage(“\\n<Chrome>I’m the grand necromancer Chrome!”)
ShowMessage(“\\n<Chrome>Ghosts appeared here on their own but… certainly, those zombies were all made by me.”)
ShowMessage(“\\n<Alice>Profaning the dead is unimpressive… I cannot overlook these kind of actions.”)
ShowMessage(“\\n<Chrome>The ghosts showed up on their own, but all of the zombies are my handiwork!”)
ShowMessage(“\\n<Alice>Hmph, profaning the dead is not something to be proud of. I can’t allow this to continue.”)
UPDATE 2: I think I’m good on help now, but if you’re a good writer and are eager to help, don’t let that stop you from emailing me. Despite the previous update, I still wasn’t clear on what I’m looking for though. These translated files need to be virtually rewritten into “story quality” English, not simply copy edited. Changing a boring, lifeless, grammatically incorrect line into a boring, lifeless, grammatically correct line isn’t that helpful. Ask yourself for each line, “does this sound like something this character would say?”